Iceland Survival Journal: Part 4
ADVISORY: DUE TO THE COMBINATION OF DAYS 4,5,6 IN ONE POST, THIS JOURNAL ENTRY IS ADEQUATE READING MATERIAL WHILE ON THE SHITTER. But like, a shorter than normal shitter session, because it’s not THAT long. Though, depending on what your ‘normal’ is, you may need to adjust your schedule. Either way, you’re welcome.
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Day 4. Iceland Survival Journal.
GLACIER HIKE. Literally, hiked ON A GIANT…GLACIER. Ice shoes, ice pick, hardhat equipped with a geeky headlamp, and layers. Many layers. I’m just going to advise you- it’s not for the faint of heart. The hike TO the glacier is about 45 minutes. The hike ON the glacier takes a bit of work, but it’s soooooo worth the aches and pains that will come afterwards. Feet, aching like a motherfucker. Back, holy shit. We won’t go into the quads.. Oh, and there is a naturally formed ice cave within the glacier, that’s a pretty neat experience. But you could die. Not due to falling in between the glacial cracks, though that’s definitely probable, but from exhaustion.
NOTE: Though highly inclined to, I did NOT, leave the mama dukes on the glacier. However, in no way does that imply she has not been acting up. I figured leaving any human on a glacier in arctic conditions is inhuman, so her punishment is currently under re-review. Further details will be provided upon sentencing decision. Thank you.
Introduction to World Culture 101:
1. Just in case you were in the dark about the geographical properties of this country: Iceland is an Island, completely surrounded by ocean, in the middle of the..ocean. It is part of Europe.
2. The warmest it has reached in Iceland is 30*C/86*F. The coldest recorded was -40*C/F.
3. There are an abundance of reindeer in Iceland. They are on every menu.
4. Wild horses. They are nice and fat. And everywhere. They are also on every menu.
5. Sharks. Whales. Seals. Puffins. Are all delicacies on the island, and are found on many menus…as is SHEEP.HEAD. You may see someone sucking on the eyeballs of a sheep. Picturesque, I know.
6. Pickled Ram testicles. That’s a thing.
….I can’t discuss the food topic any further… someone call PETA. STAT. Thanks.
7. ‘Interstellar’ film location is near VIK (also, GOT film location)- the star actors displaced locals so they could reside in their homes on the farms in bum-fuck-nowhere while shooting the film. Rude.
8. ‘Batman Begins’- filming location for Batman’s cave is near the giant glacier. I didn’t go inside the cave because bats poop a lot and I don’t need to explain bat poop residue to airport customs on top of everything else I’ll already have to explain…
9. Iceland is one of the Top 5 happiest countries in the world. Which makes sense, as Icelanders take the most antidepressants per capita…in the world. The weather/lack of daylight (limiting natural vitamin D) are said to contribute to this phenomenon. Personally, I am a huge fan of vampirism- my guess is that living here may actually cure my depression. Interesting thought…
10. Iceland has one season. Icelanders call it, “Waiting for Summer”. Cute, eh? Not to the locals. Literally, summer didn’t come in 2018; which means darkness has covered the island all year.
11. Such ‘extensive’ wildlife can be found in Iceland. The Arctic Fox arrived on a floating iceberg about 10,000 years ago—it’s the only true ‘wild’ mammal in the country. The horses, cows, etc all belong to farmers, so they don’t count.
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Day 5. Iceland Survival Journal.
Dead. But alive. But for real, like deeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaad. Sleet and hurricane force winds outside= stayed nestled in the hostel chillin for the day. AKA: recovering from the intense glacier-cardio from the day before.
Survival Tip:
No need to buy water in Iceland. Trust me, you’ll want to save whatever money you can whenever you can. The tap water is natural spring water. Everywhere in the country. It tastes better than the bottled spring water back in the States. Bring a bottle and keep refilling. Boom.
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Day 6. Iceland Survival Journal.
THE GOLDEN CIRCLE & SECRET LAGOON (natural hot spring). Set out on a tour along the Golden circle route: Þingvellir, Gullfoss Waterfall, and Geysir. The Gullfoss is more powerful than Niagara Falls. Then, at the end of an eventful day we stopped at the Secret Lagoon to soak in a warm natural pool. This Secret Lagoon is one of the oldest natural geothermal swimming pools in Iceland and it is surrounded by several hot springs. One of them is called ‘Little Geysir’ and it erupts every few minutes. It’s adorable. Another one is called ‘Vaðmálshver’, the locals used to wash their laundry in that one. The temperature of the lagoon is between 36-40°C/97-104°F.
SIDE NOTE: Soooooo, I’m not sure if it’s a European ‘thing’, but you’re required to shower before swimming anywhere in Iceland. Flashbacks of high school gym class plagued me- feeling out of place as if I was ‘illegally’ in the girls locker room. Unlike gym class; every single female was stark nekkkked. We showered. Together. Nekkkked. It was somewhat awkward. Not because I was in my birthday attire, but because all of the women around me were. No worries though, all went smoothly. Though, for a second…I believe it was due to a minor case of heatstroke from the geothermal pool directly followed by hypothermia from the arctic air upon exiting the pool…but I forgot I wasn’t in a remake of ‘Eyes Wide Shut’. I quickly remembered, and retracted the $5 bill extended towards the cute brunette. That was a close one…. #lesbianproblems
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Any-whoooo, we’ve conquered Iceland in 6 days. Witnessed the phenomenon that is the Aurora Borealis. Hiked on a glacier. Walked the black sand beaches, in honor of GOT. Experienced natural hot springs, Geysers, waterfalls, and a bunch of other unique nature amazingness. It’s been a beautiful cultural experience. The cold can be dealt with.
However, the economical experience hasn’t been as beautiful. The expense of everything and anything in this country has made mama dukes a crazy person. CrazIER, person.
So, to save the poor Icelanders from further flea-market-like haggling from her; I randomly booked us a flight to Rome to spend the next 3 days.
We leave in the morning.
Viva la, Italy… 😎
