EuroTrip Day 15: Back to U.S.A.

Back in the U.S.A. …gosh, that sounds depressing after typing it out…
Just a reminder: jet-lag is for real. Gaining 6 hours back should sound like a gift. It’s not. 

Now that I’ve had a minute to reflect; here are a few things the guidebooks don’t tell you about Europe:

1.) There seems to be an ice shortage. Devastating situation really. Asking for ice appears to come off as strange, and annoying. Just don’t do it. Let that sink in and pre-accept the fact that all beverages are served at room temperature.

2.) Bathrooms are not called bathrooms. They are toilets. Don’t call them bathrooms. Especially in case of emergency. You’ll be led in circles until someone recognizes the English word and associates it with, toilet. This could take, days…

3.) If you’re incontinent, have a very small bladder, or can not hold your fluids for any other particular reason, you should budget ahead for ‘toilet’. Toilets are anywhere from €50-1.50 per person, per time, to use.

4.) Politeness is severely lacking. Words equivalent to ‘pardon’ or ‘excuse me’ are lost. You’ll be bumped into, cut-off, stepped on, pushed…in silence. Not even so much as a nod to recognize the human just trampled. Get used to it, or you’ll use up all your patience on rudeness.

5.) Butter is not served with bread. Bread is served. Everywhere. For free. Entire loafs. But butter is a touchy subject. The bottles of yellowish liquid on the table contain this fascinating substance, referred to as oil. That’s your new butter.

6.) Carbohydrates are the main food group in Europe. They come in many forms. They all lead to the bloating and gross feeling after 21 days of self-sustaining life in Europe. Good times.

7.) No one has heard of worcestershire sauce. If you’re used to it with your steak, get un-used to it immediately. This will prevent you from attempting to say ‘worcestershire’, butchering the word, and further looking like a crazy tourist. On second thought; just don’t order steak.

8.) Common sense is in fact, not common. Anywhere. Ever.

9.) If you chose to stand still on moving walkways, you must stand on the right. If not, you will be trampled on without remorse and glared at from those purposefully moving, on the moving walkways.

10.) The foods you are accustomed to in the States may sound the same in Europe. They’re not. None of it. For instance; in Tuscany, a Caesar salad is not a Caesar salad. It’s iceberg lettuce and some sort of non-creamy vinaigrette dressing, with olives. I suggest avoiding.

11.) Everything is bland. Even when it’s not supposed to be bland. It’s bland. Just prematurely ask for salt when you order your meal.

12.) Tipping. Ah yes. Very different in Europe. Americans are accustomed to tipping a much larger percentage. As tipping expectations are tied to minimum wage levels, the smaller percentage expected in Europe should indicate a greater wage. Unfortunately for service workers, this is not the case. The expectations throughout Europe are horribly low, as is the minimum wage. There will be a charge for eating at an establishment. That charge is automatic on your bill. This is NOT part of the gratuity. In addition to that, some restaurants place a gratuity of 5-10% on your bill in advance. Pay attention. If not, you’ll either be shorting the service employee (according to American standards) by not physically adding to a small percentage like 5%, or you’ll overtip by adding your general percentage unaware that the force-placed gratuity was on the bill. In my opinion; if the service was good, the tip should reasonably correspond. Personally, I universally use the the American etiquette of 15-20% gratuity of the bill.

13.) There are more sweet shops than general item shops. However, no need to worry about packing on the pounds while on Holiday as you will be walking miles every day. Even if you use the bus/metro/tube, you’ll get lost and that will just lead to walking. In circles, mostly.

14.) Coffee. The hardship in ordering anything you’re used to in the States is real. If you want a cappuccino, just..no. It is simply a hot milk and hot water combo. There is no ‘French vanilla cappuccino’ like you’d get at your corner 7-11.

15.) Do not rent a car. I repeat; DO NOT RENT A CAR. Holy hell. If you thought Manhattan was bad, you have absolutely no idea what ‘bad’ is. Save yourself the additional stress and impending agony as result of an accident.

16.) Europe is beautiful. So fascinating. The cultures are colorful and intriguing. Respect them for their individuality. Please refrain from casting judgement. Open your mind and heart, accept the diversity, and learn something about other humans outside of your comfort zone.