Conquering Rome

Final Entry (but not like ‘final, final’ because I’m dead though, because I’m not..)

Dedication: To everyone whom needs a novel on a Sunday because they’re busy being super lazy laying around drowning their sorrows eating junk food while waiting for the depression to set in at nightfall due to the realization that tomorrow brings another workweek. Stay strong 💪🏻

It’s been a long two days in Italy’s Capital. 
We left Iceland for an impromptu journey over here to escape some of the cold. That did not work. My nipples could still be considered lethal weapons. I’m sorry, that was inappropriate. What I had meant to say is that; it’s fucking freezing here. That didn’t, entirely, stop us from enjoying the city though. Neither did almost being run down by a school of Vespas. Twice. Or that drug dealer. Or forgetting to eat/drink anything for a whole day because that would involve removing your ice-fingers from your pockets long enough to hold something in them in order to eat/drink. Sustenance is for the weak…or the stubborn stupid people who are more concerned with finger preservation than life. Either way, we’re…surprisingly…still alive.

There is SO much history in Roma. Which still stands today. Mind-blowing. Ancient Rome, the Roman Empire, the heart of the Catholic faith; the original structures, the wall separating the city from the countryside- as you journey through the ‘Eternal City’ it really takes you back to the beginning. It’s simply incredible. The saying, “Rome wasn’t built in a day”, makes all the sense in the world after having witnessed the architecture first-hand. I mean, if it were me having to participate in the intense manual labor it must have taken to erect such structures- Roma would still have a “Coming Soon” sign at the airport.

In any city full of rich history; I recommend taking one of the, many, hop on/off buses. This way you can listen to a pre-recorded guide as you experience the beautiful sights, learning about and appreciating much more than you could have anticipated. For instance; the nudity in Europe. I REALLY appreciate that. Also, it’s a very budget-friendly and time-conscious option that allows you to experience all that the city has to gift you with.

Budget Tip: Use the hop on/off bus as your primary mode of transportation while in a city. This will save you a great deal on transportation cost during your visit.
Side Tip:: Flirting with employees seems to result in free bus passes, discounts, and/or a new local ‘friend’ that is more than happy to show you around the city after their workday. Consequently, this also positively impacts your budget. And it’s a much more streamlined tactic than Tinder. 👌🏻
Side Tip to the Side Tip::: If you’re in a relationship, I have no tips for you. I’m sorry. About that, and about your relationship. Unless you’re happy, then yayyyy- good for you.

The traffic in Rome is bad, but not the worst I’ve experienced. However, parking is a legit nightmare. As is the agility required to wisp a vehicle through the narrow streets covered in parked vehicles and pedestrians. Contrary to popular, well my, belief; you don’t get points that result in prizes like at an arcade for mowing down pedestrians. I know, I know…life’s not fair. Moving on…
Those that want their own mode of transportation are on Vespas. Because they’re smart. In 1946 the Vespa (Italian word for ‘wasp’) came to fruition. It was so popular that Italians created a new verb surrounding the Vespa; ‘vespara’- meaning ‘to go somewhere’. There’s a whole museum dedicated to the Vespa. You can buy all things Vespa in there. Except, a Vespa. Weird. The point is, don’t drive in Rome.

Completely unrelated, yet related, side note:
Based on my, fairly extensive, travel experience thus far- I am inclined to point out a, terribly, consistent trend. Regardless of country, continent, city; the constant peddling and haggling to buy absolutely anything (selfie stick, poncho or umbrella if the sky has even one visible cloud, portable cell battery packs, scarves, tiny figurines, food, etc) negatively impacts the moment and memory when taking in such beautiful pieces of history. I can’t tell you how many times I have said “no, thank you.” with a smile. But my human self, which is my only ‘self’ because I’m not part mammal as far as I know, only has so much patience. If I’ve already played nice two times and have to go round 3- that patience is long drained. If you think ‘Carrie’ at prom was an expression of rage, you’ve not experienced me losing my patience. Don’t bother backing away slowly. RUN.

I absolutely respect the need to make a living. But DAMN. Where is the respect for the person trying to appreciate your culture and the natural beauty it has to offer? I can tell you- it is worse in some countries over others. I can also tell you- it is getting worse, and more widespread.

Alright. Vacation is over. This one at least. 
We were about to depart Rome on our 7AM flight back to Iceland to catch our return flight to the U.S. of A tonight- totaling 14 hours of flight time…mom is shitting herself. The mother and I had an entire row to ourselves on the plane (she was in the row in front of me) and we were holding a full-on conversation moments before the plane departed from the earths surface. Then, POOF. The mother disappeared. I lean forward over the seat in front of me to begin an X-Files level investigation- obviously this has to be a supernatural dilemma because when people disappear from airplanes there MUST be alien involvement…some involvement from the government would definitely not be surprising…maybe it’s aliens working WITH the government in some kind of innovative population control scenario. Well, I don’t have the answer for you at this time because oddly enough- I found the mother, shockingly still on the airplane. She was coiled-up with her head between her legs and arms extended upward grasping the seat-back in front of her. The conversation did not resume until five minutes later, when the seatbelt light shut off.

Alright guys. Wish me luck. Not for the actual journey home, but in that I don’t get arrested for attempting to toss the mother out of the emergency exit door of the plane due to her crazy. Or at least not get arrested while still in Europe. I imagine a Foreign country arrest must be a nightmare. 👋🏻